Rex
Cast (in order of appearance): Yami Yugi, Rebecca Hawkins (voiced by Erika Harlacher), Téa Gardner, Joey Wheeler, Yugi Muto, Duke Devlin, Tristan Taylor, Rex Raptor and Weevil Underwood, Rafael, Alister, Dartz, (voiced by Takahata101), Valon, Arthur Hawkins, Seto Kaiba, KaibaCorp employee, Mokuba Kaiba, Kaiba's secretary Running time: 8:45 Transcript (standard flying cards opening) YAMI: (sobbing) ''Yu-Gi-Oh!'' is filmed before a dead, crying Pharaoh. (somewhere in the desert) REBECCA: (typing on her laptop) And that's why my TIBA Top 5 is vastly superior to the real one. (a car horn sounds as Duke drives his friends to Rebecca's trailer and Yami rides on Copernicus) TÉA: Yugi's back! YAMI: (monotone) Giddy-up. Giddy-up. Giddy-up. Giddy-up. Wooh. (Copernicus neighs and Duke stops his car) REBECCA: Yugi, my love! I always believed in you! (hugs Yami) TÉA: We knew you could do it, Yugi! Because the bond of friendship between you and the Pharaoh is stronger than anything in the known uni- JOEY: Cancel the celebration, Téa. Yugi lost. TÉA: But we had a whole party planned and everything! (holds a greeting card) Everyone signed this greeting card saying, "Congrats on the friendship." YAMI: It's true. I lost. No longer am I the King of Games. Now I'm just an average, super-talented, devastatingly handsome loser with magical powers. I might as well be Joey. JOEY: (grabs Yami) I'll show you who's handsome! (punches Yami) (as Yami is punched, episode pauses and record scratch) YAMI: (voiceover) Yup. That's me. You're probably wondering how I ended up in this situation. Well, here's how. (flashback to the previous episode as Yugi pushes Yami out of the Seal of Orichalcos) And that's how I ended up in this situation. Anyway, moving on. (episode continues as Yami rolls on the ground) Rolling, rolling, rolling... TÉA: Joey! Children might imitate that sort of behavior! JOEY: Oh, come on Téa, who's going to get violent just 'cause they saw me punch a guy? (cut to Tristan holding Duke in a chokehold) DUKE: Tristan! Why..are you..choking me?! TRISTAN: Joey made this look really cool! (opening sequence) (cut to Rebecca's trailer) REBECCA: Fascinating. JOEY: What is it, Rebecca? (cut to inside of trailer, where Téa has set up balloons and a banner saying, "Congrats, Yugi!") YAMI: For the record, I'm still really sad. Don't anybody take pity on me or anything. REBECCA: (typing on her laptop) My father was studying some ancient Atlantean ruins right before all this went down. YAMI: Because it would be embarrassing if someone took pity on me. TÉA: We don't have time for your Kingdom Hearts fanfiction, little girl! REBECCA: First, that's Atlantica. Second, look at this photo. (Rebecca shows her friends a photo of a shipwreck) YAMI: I'll just be over here wibbling to myself. Please, pay me no mind. REBECCA: These Atlantean ruins were destroyed shortly after all those monster attacks started. DUKE: Whoa. Do you think it was Donald or Goofy? TÉA: Don't be dumb, Duke. Clearly, this was the Heartless's doing. (Joey obscures Yami in the scene) YAMI: Why isn't anybody telling me I'm special?! (cut to helicopter; Rex and Weevil are laughing) RAFAEL: I told you not to say anything, Alister. ALISTER: All I did was tell them to stay out of the cockpit! (helicopter lands) RAFAEL: This has been the longest helicopter ride of my life. (cut to Dartz's office) DARTZ: (on his chair, facing away from the group) Gentohmen, welcome to my humble abowde! I twust you will find our accommodatiowns weasonable? REX: Uh, what? WEEVIL: Yeah, heheheh, um, huh? DARTZ: Mah apowogies, wet me wephwase myself. (rotates his chair to face his henchmen and his new recruits) Subme? REX: Uh, what? WEEVIL: Yeah, heheheh, um, huh? RAFAEL: Master Dartz, I was successful in acquiring the Pharaoh's soul. DARTZ: That's where you are wong, Wafael! Teww 'em, Vawon. VALON: (with his arm in a sling) Get a couple of this, mates! Turns out you benched the wrong mucker's soul! You were supposed to grab the Pharaoh, but you wound up with this knobhead instead! (cut to Dartz's screen, which shows Yugi among the souls taken by the Orichalcos) DARTZ: You have doehd the wrong mayn, mayn. Yu-gay Moh-toe will not be enough to satisfy the Gweat Weviathan! We must wedouble our efforts if we are to weak havoc upon the- REX (interrupts) You guys are dorks. WEEVIL: Yeah, heheheh. What do you guys even do here? DARTZ: We just like deooing people, mayn. Vawon wants to deoo Mai Valentine, actually. VALON: Yup. DARTZ: Awister twied and failed to deoo Seto Kaiba. ALISTER: Happens to 1 in 5 men. DARTZ: And I just watched Wafael deoo Yu-gay Moh-toe. The wong guy. RAFAEL: I've just given up arguing at this point. REX: Whoa. This cult is all about doing people. WEEVIL: Yeah, heheh, we gotta join. DARTZ: In order to inhewit the powah of the Orichalcamalos, you gotta pass a wittle twial. (gives Rex and Weevil cards) Take these cards. REX: Whoa. Free cards. Uhuhuhuh. WEEVIL: Hang on, fartknocker. There's nothing on these. DARTZ: That's 'cause you gotta do some of this first, mayn. (shows the boys a pair of Orichalcos stones.) WEEVIL: Whoa! Heheheh. We're gonna do meth. REX: These Oral Costco dudes are hardcore. (cut to trailer; Arthur arrives wearing a party hat) ARTHUR: Surprise! REBECCA: No, Grandpa! The party was canceled! ARTHUR: But I distinctly heard people talking enthusiastically about scientific discoveries! And if that doesn't indicate that it is time to party-harty, I don't know what does. YAMI: Wait, how are you even here? Weren't you the whole reason I left to go fight Rafael in the first place? ARTHUR: As it happens, if you had just waited around for 10 minutes, I would have shown up of my own accord. YAMI: So this whole traumatic experience could have been completely avoided if I hadn't arbitrarily left in the middle of the night. ARTHUR: Turns out, yes. YAMI: Okay, everyone. I'm going to go scream into a pillow for the next 5 minutes. ARTHUR: While you're doing that, I'll explain a bunch of things that I learned about Atlantis, the place where the Orichalcos stone comes from. (flashback; Yami screams into a pillow between sentences) Thousands of years ago, Atlantis stood as one of the most advanced civilizations known to mankind. It was an unparalleled paradise. But then one day, an evil king called forth a dreadful creature from the depths of the Earth, using the power of the Orichalcos stone to command it. (end flashback) Fortunately, I made copies of the inscriptions I found in the Atlantean ruins and had them sent to Florida. TRISTAN: It seems to me that in order to stop these guys, we first have to go to Florida. YAMI: Did Tristan just contribute to the plot? TRISTAN: So we could visit Mickey Mouse at Disney World! YAMI: And there it is. (cut to Dartz's office) DARTZ: To pwove your worth, you must weach in and gwab these wocks from the purest Orichalcamalos. If you are worthy, you will be able to contwol their emanating, poosating, dooing powah! REX: Uh, and if we're not? DARTZ: Oh, the Owichalcamalos would just take your soul, mayn, but that's not gonna happen unless you're incompetent. WEEVIL: I don't know about this, Rex. REX: We'll be fine, dude. Uhuhuhuh. We already lost our souls when we played that Black Sabbath song backwards, remember? WEEVIL: Oh yeah, heheheheh. Let's do it! (he and Rex try to grab the Orichaclos stones) ALISTER: There's no way they're worthy! They're the laughingstock of the Yu-Gi-Oh! villain gallery! (Rex and Weevil succeed in grabbing the stones) DARTZ: (laughs) The Orichalcamalos never lies! (the seal of Orichalcos appears on Rex's and Weevil's foreheads) Welcome our newest members, Wex Waptor and Weevil Woonderwood! Together, we will be taken seriously! RAFAEL: Looks like you were wrong, Alister. Now we're the laughingstock of the Yu-Gi-Oh! villain gallery. (cut to KaibaCorp; Kaiba is having a conference call with one of his employees) KAIBA: Are you telling me that we can't build an elevator into space?! Because that sounds like something a guy who doesn't want to keep his job would say! (cut to Kaiba's office) EMPLOYEE: Sir, this space elevator project...what you're proposing is- KAIBA: Really, really cool? EMPLOYEE: I was going to say massively unnecessary and likely to bankrupt the whole company. KAIBA: Really? Well, when you need to go into space and don't have a convenient way to get there, I'll be laughing at you! From outer space, where I will be! EMPLOYEE: Um... KAIBA: (hangs up, then finger tents) Naive fool. MOKUBA: Why do you want to build an elevator into space, bro? KAIBA: I had a really bad experience with stairs one time, Mokuba. Never again. Never again. (Kaiba's phone rings) SECRETARY: Mr. Kaiba, you have a call from a Joseph Wheeler on Line 1. KAIBA: Oh, good, something else to be angry at. (picks up the phone) What is it, Wheeler? (Joey takes up the entirety of Kaiba's screen) JOEY: Kaiba, can you fly us to Florida, pretty please? KAIBA: No. JOEY: Aw, man. KAIBA: Hang on. Ask me again. JOEY: Eh, can you fly us to Florida? KAIBA: Still no. JOEY: Why did you tell me to--? KAIBA: It just feels really good to disappoint you. Speaking of which, what's going on with Yugi? JOEY: Oh, he's just sad 'cause he lost a children's card game. (Kaiba appears shocked) Well, actually, it's more complicated than that. See, Yugi was trying to stop these guys from wiping out all of humanity and in the process, he ended up losing the person that means more to him than anyone else. So he's kinda going through a lot of emotional trauma. (Kaiba slams his hand on his desk) KAIBA: YUGI LOST A CARD GAME?! JOEY: A-nyeh? KAIBA: (angrily) I thought we had something special, Yugi! What, is our rivalry just one big joke to you?! (slams his hand on his desk) I committed to beating you in a card game! And I thought I could rely on you to be true to me as your most hated enemy! But I guess I was wrong! YAMI: Kaiba, it's not what it looks like-- KAIBA: I bet you say that to all the Duelists! If I had had parents, I bet they would have told me that you were no good for me! And let me tell you one last thing. All those times I got angry and declared that I would have my vengeance on you: I WAS FAKING! (hangs up) (beat) TRISTAN: (loudly) I can't wait to ride on Pirates of the Caribbean. (ending) CAPTION: learn if Kaiba's space elevator got off the ground, check out [[w:c:yugioh:Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Dark Side of Dimensions|The Dark Side Of Dimensions] in theaters next January!] created by littlekuriboh edited by elite3 to our $50+ tier Patreon pledgers fedexfan1993 BerserkArmor Charles Dooley obeymyshinyrod Lacrymosai Chandra Wandergirl108 Mura Casardis Benjamin Harding can help us make more content at www.patreon.com/littlekuriboh or by continuing to be awesome! Thanks! 4x09